Posts Tagged ‘zombies’

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Gunmonkey Presents: HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR 2014!

October 3, 2014

scary sock 2014

Hey there! Welp, it’s that time of year again. Time for ghosts and ghouls and jack-o-lanterns, and candy being sold by the metric ton. It’s also time for my Halloween Spooktactular! in which I try to shove as many reviews of horror movies into your face-holes as is humanly possible for a slacker like me. Now, I’m afraid that this year I’ll be travelling a bit this month, so my output will be a bit down, but what I miss out on in volume I will try and make for in quality. We good? All right then, let’s kick this thing off.

First up: The Demon’s Rook.

Then we revisit the James Wan horror machine with Annabelle

After that we fly not (not so) friendly skies with 7500.

Then we make the wrong choice of spa getaway with The Sacrament.

Afterwards, we get a good scare with The Babadook.

Following that we take a long, hard look in the mirror with Oculus.

Hey, are you feeling a little horny? because we”re gonna check out Horns.

Then we take a (not so) leisurely walk in the woods with Willow Creek.

And we spend a little more time in the woods with The Hunted (2013).

After that we feel the fury of Elizabeth Short with The Black Dahlia Haunting.

Before we move on to the wreckage that is Dracula Untold.

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Always one day away from the horror: “The Returned”

February 2, 2014

THE-returned

Lest there be any confusion about this, the movie I’m reviewing is a Canadio/Spanish production called The Return. It should not be confused with the French TV series also titled The Return (Les Revenants in France), showing on the Sundance Channel. The two works are completely different entities. The film The Return is about the dead coming back to life—whoops…okay, they sort of have that in common. But The Return is not a zombie flick, per se, but instead grapples with the impact of those events (aw, dammit). Okay, they sound alike on paper, but they really couldn’t be more different. Trust me on this…
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Nazis are jerks (even when they’re dead): “Outpost 2: Black Sun”

October 16, 2013

outpost2_poster

When we last saw the Nazis they were dicking around on the moon and making ham-handed political commentary five years too late (apparently invading Poland is easier than making a trenchant political joke). When we last saw Nazi zombie, on the other hand, they were pretty much destroying a team of mercenaries holed up in an abandoned bunker, in the 2007 movie Outpost. Well, five years has not made those undead ghouls any more mellow. As we see from the sequel Outpost 2: Black Sun, Nazi zombies pretty much never get tired of being colossal dickbags.
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Playing with black dice: “Outpost”

October 16, 2013

Our next installment of October Spooktacular 2013 serves to remind us that the Nazis were real dickbags. No, they were. I mean, putting along with the whole genocidal rampage thing, check out the misdeeds chronicled in this blog alone: They torment a centuries-old monster (good idea, that—hey, how’s Operation Barbarossa going for you?), try and steal the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail, and even when you kill them, they just come back as zombies. What a bunch of knobheads. Well, in Outpost, they rear their ugly death’s-head again to reach across time and spread terror and death. And this time, there’s not an Indiana Jones in sight. No, in this little-seen horror flick, there is just time and ammunition holding off the monsters—and both of those things are finite.
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Gunmonkey Presents: OCTOBER SPOOKTACULAR 2013!

October 14, 2013

scary sock 2013

Holy crap! I totally didn’t realize it was October! Sorry, sorry, sorry. I moved back to a tropical country, and all the usual signifiers of October–falling leaves, Pumpkin Spice Lattes, really terrible new TV shows–are all on the other side of the world. Then this weekend, I got to thinking, “Hey, this English-speaking Asian TV station sure is running a lot of Hellraiser movies. I wonder why that is?” And then I went back to Googling pictures of Lexa Doig (I don’t have a rich inner-life). Anyway, a few hours later, like a lightning bolt to whatever part of the brain processes really, really basic facts, it hit me. “Duh! It’s October! Halloween!”

And then I realized that, shit, I was two weeks behind on my Spooktacular.

I’m gonna do my best to post a horror review every day for the rest of this month, and, if at all possible, make up for lost time. That’s probably going to entail re-posting some stuff, but, hey, you probably haven’t read it yet.

So, yeah, settle in, get comfortable, and get ready for another month(ish) of vampires, zombies, ghosts, monsters, and, you know, all the rest of that stuff.

First up:

We trip balls with Shrooms!

Next we revel in the white noise with Static.

And then it’s Christmas in October with Black X-Mas.

Before we goosestep along with Outpost.

Along with Outpost: Black Sun.

We head off to Mother Russia in The Darkest Hour.

Then we catch up with my original review of Fright Night.

Before reviewing the sequel Fright Night 2: The New Blood.

And then the little-seen Earth vs. the Spider

Afterward we’ll catch The Midnight Meat Train

Check out Haunter.

Before the remake of Embrace of the Vampire

And then Kevin Costner is pretty much the most useless dad ever in The New Daughter.

We call it a wrap with The Creature from the Black Lagoon.

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The end of the world is really boring: “World War Z”

June 22, 2013

World-War-Z-Poster

Okay, so what’s up next this summer? World War Z? Wow, what a lousy movie. Crud! I’m supposed to  build to that. Goddamn, I’m a bad reviewer after four beers. Okay, let’s start this again: World War Z is the big-screen adaptation of Max Brooks’ well-regarded novel, starring Brad Pitt. The film (as with the book) posits the scenario of total global breakdown in the face of a zombie apocalypse. It takes us from a crumbling US to a darkened South Korea, through a heavily-barricaded Israel, and finally finds a glimmer of hope in Cardiff. And boy, is it a crappy movie. Damn! I did it again! This is why I switched to water? Ah, the hell with it, let’s just dive in…
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Stephen McHattie also pwns! “Pontypool”

December 3, 2012

pontypool_ver2Is there anything better than finding a diamond in the rough?  Well, okay, maybe winning the PowerBall or getting elected Space Pope or finding out that your Match.com date is actually Freema Agyemon…and she’s really into cosplay….erg…Sorry, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, unexpected treasures you find on Netflix Instant. Well, that’s exactly how I would describe the 2008 Canadian horror/thriller Pontypool. After untold hours spent sifting through the assorted detritus of streaming-video purgatory (i.e. most of the month of October), my faith in cinema was rewarded by a legitimately excellent low-budget chiller that kept me on the edge of my seat to the very last frame of the credits.
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