Posts Tagged ‘zombies’

h1

Rage, rage against the dying of the…eh, never mind: “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter”

January 31, 2017

reinternational

Since it’s got the word final right there in the title, I have to assume that Resident Evil: The Final Chapter is indeed the last installment of this brain-dead franchise to grace the silver screen. And I have to admit, I find this a little bittersweet. I mean, the Resident Evil movies were never what you’d call good or creative or a worthwhile utilization of money, talent or time, but after 15 (wow!) years they’ve been a kind of companion. Like a very, very dumb dog that shows up from time to time to play fetch, only to get distracted by its own shadow.  After a while you just gotta figure if you’re disappointed in it for not composing Shakespeare, well, that’s on you. I mean, you know what it was when it started trying to dry-hump a football.
Read the rest of this entry ?

h1

REPOST: Return of the living (brain) dead franchise: Resident Evil: Retribution”

January 31, 2017

[In preparation for Resident Evil: The Final Chapter I thought I’d repost some of my reviews of earlier installments…you know, so you’re all caught up on the labyrinthine mythology of this series.]

Well, it’s September, and every couple of Septembers the horks up a cinematic hairball in the form of yet another Resident Evil movie. It’s sort of Hollywood’s way of closing the summer by reminding us that it really doesn’t like us. It’s saying, in effect, “Hey, remember all those great mega-blockbusters we pummeled you with this summer? Yeah, those were great. Now, here’s Resident Evil: Retribution. Don’t feel too compelled to rush out and see it.” Of course, that’s not what they tell writer/director Paul W.S. Anderson. No, they tell him, “Oh yeah…your movies rock. That’s why we release them in September: we don’t want to totally bury stuff like The Dark Knight Rises and wreck the economy. Now, um, can you make your wife’s outfit any tighter and still have her breathe? Cool, thanks.”
Read the rest of this entry ?

h1

REPOST: Milla Jovovich (and husband) will eat your brain! “Resident Evil: Afterlife”

January 31, 2017

[In preparation for Resident Evil: The Final Chapter I thought I’d repost some of my reviews of earlier installments…you know, so you’re all caught up on the labyrinthine mythology of this series.]

Arriving like a MOAB to cap off the summer movie season is Resident Evil: Afterlife—a movie that flaunts its B-status and boldly announces that it has no time being bogged down with pesky details like logic or coherency or even the laws of physics. Such things are for wussies, not for ass-kicking Milla Jovovich! What? You want gravity to affect people and objects? Go see a Bergman film. This is a Resident freakin’ Evil movie, where it’s perfectly normal for someone leaping through the air to stop and pivot. That shit just happens! Getting all pissy about suspending your disbelief when a waif-like heroine wields a machine gun one-handed? Hey, go back to the Ivy League, Mr. Hoity Toity! We’re here to see a hot chick kill zombies, and that’s it. If you feel a tingly sensation in your skull, that’s okay, that’s normal. It’s just your brain going to sleep. Or dying. But, hey, no biggie. It’s not like you’re going to need it for the next 90 minutes or so.
Read the rest of this entry ?

h1

Criminally Overlooked: “He Never Died”

January 30, 2016

He-Never-Died

When you come across a movie with a title like He Never Died, which stars Henry Rollins, and features a poster with Rollins bellowing like a Trump supporter at a feminist poetry-slam, well, you gotta start sharpening the knives. I mean…you read that last sentence, right? Okay, so I don’t have to explain the tremendous potential for mockery. Except, holy shit, He Never Died—clunky title aside—is actually a really good little movie. And what makes it so enjoyable is a perfectly modulated action-comic performance by Rollins, who shows off some fairly sophisticated acting chops. Throw in some moody direction by first time-ish director Jason Krawczyk, and you got precisely the kind of under-the-radar gem that gives B-movies a good name.
Read the rest of this entry ?

h1

Feeling the January-movie blues: “The Forest”

January 9, 2016

 The-Forest-poster

Well, it’s January. Know how I can tell (aside from, you know, being cognizant of the date)? It’s because the new releases in the cinema is stuff like The Forest. Yeah, January is when Hollywood basically says to us, “What? You don’t want to rewatch all the great movies we released for the last two months? You can see The Force Awakens for a fifth time, right? No? Well, fuck it. We shot our load, so here’s a ghost movie with a Game of Thrones actor.” And that’s how movies like The Forest get a theatrical release.
Read the rest of this entry ?

h1

Repost: “Poltergeist”

October 4, 2015

Of all the mysteries that surround Poltergeist—the identity of the actual director, the rash of deaths that’s followed the film series—the most confounding may be how dramatically it fell off the cultural radar. Consider the other movies from that summer alone: Conan, and The Thing got remakes, Escape from New York and Rocky III got sequels, Star Trek II got both sequels and a remake, and E.T. is still considered a landmark in summer films. These are signs of the profound effect they had on the cultural landscape. Yet despite Poltergeist’s massive popularity it never went much farther than a couple of lousy, little-known sequels. And yet, the film was a massive hit that had everyone squeaking “They’re here…” for years afterward. So what happened?
Read the rest of this entry ?

h1

In the Dark Womb you eat only warm slime: “The Demon’s Rook.”

October 3, 2014

dr_keyart_web-692x1024

The Demon’s Rook is a recent DIY movie that manages not to use the found-footage concept (hallelujah!), about a bunch of demons that attack a small Southern town. It seems like a fairly straightforward story, but as the beasties chow down on the human folk, the movie layers question upon question. Questions like: “Was this whole movie ADRed?” and “How drunk do I have to be for this make sense?” as well as “If I drank that whole bottle of Jack Daniels Honey I use for drunken rib eye marinades and chased it with some aftershave, would it make the movie make sense?” and ultimately, “Wait, this movie is still going?” (The answers, by the way, are: yes, very, it’s a start, and probably. Let’s take a look at what makes it so special.
Read the rest of this entry ?