Posts Tagged ‘Zoe Saldana’

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Go Boldly: “Star Trek: Into Darkness”

May 19, 2013

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Finally, the new Star Trek movie. And it only took four freaking years! Hey thanks, J.J. Abrams, for taking time out of your busy schedule to make good on the promise of the franchise reboot. I mean, I know you had to make that E.T.-Meets-My-Midlife-Crisis movie about the kids who dick around for two hours and then meet a monster. And, yeah, that was totally worth putting off the new Star Trek film for a couple more years. But, hey, the new movie is here and it was almost worth the wait.
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Zoe Saldana is hot (and that’s all you need to know): “Colombiana”

September 7, 2011

Ever since La Femme Nikita, Luc Besson has basically made a career out of the formula “hot chick + guns + improbable action sequences = hormonally-enslaved teenagers giving you their money.” And it’s worked pretty well for him, despite the diminishing returns. Nikita, while not exactly terribly sophisticated, was at least an interesting update on Pygmalion (and it’s various permutations over the past twenty years has made enough money to keep Besson in cheese and berets for a long time—yes, this is how I imagine French people). Since then, however, it’s pretty much just been hot chicks and guns with damn little reason around them. Colombiana is probably the nadir of this trend as Besson’s director-for-hire Olivier Megaton (hang on for a sec: Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha! Okay, I’m back) can barely even be bothered to take the movie seriously. Of course even that doesn’t explain that pants-crappingly moronic parts.
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Well, they got the title right: “The Losers”

May 24, 2010

The Losers is based on a comic from the Vertigo imprint of DC Comics, the same people who brought us Wanted. As near as I can tell, Vertigo specializes in violent, nihilistic comics that almost no one reads. And then people make movies out of them, for some reason or other. I never read the comic (has anyone?), but based upon the Wikipedia entry, they seem to have gotten at least the basics right: The Losers are a Spec Ops team who get burned by their CIA handler, scapegoated for the slaughter of a bunch of kids and declared dead. So, they go deep underground to clear their names and nail their handler. If The Dirty Dozen and The A-Team had a kid, it would be The Losers—provided they drank like William S. Burroughs during the pregnancy.
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Gunmonkey Presents: THE BEST MOVIE STUFF OF 2009!!!

January 11, 2010

Sorry this is so late. Illness and the overall suckatude of 2009’s cinematic offerings delayed the hell out of this post. I gotta say, I almost didn’t do one this year. I mean, the best thing I can recall from my movie watching experience in 2009 was seeing Eliza Dushku in a thong in Nobel Son, and that movie wasn’t even an offering from this year. Nonetheless, I let Bangkok go to work on me, got my sabai on (read what you will into that), and decided to try an ac-centuate the positive. And for my troubles spent five days writhing in agony with abdominal pain. Anyway, enough about the martyrdom of your faithful Gunmonkey, here is The Best Movie Stuff of 2009!!!!
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The first final frontier: “Star Trek”

May 17, 2009

star_trek_movie_poster_imaxNow this is a summer movie.

 After the self-serious, leaden, insert-gun-in-mouth grimness of Wolverine, we now have a blockbuster that understands the importance of being light, airy, and fun. And inexplicably, that movie is a Star Trek film. Well, I guess if we can elect a black President, we can make a summer blockbuster out of Star Trek—a franchise which seemed to have hacked up its death rattle sometime around the early 2000s.
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