Posts Tagged ‘werewolves’

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From the mists of time: “Wolfen”

August 3, 2015

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1981 was a banner year for werewolf movies. I’m sure there’s a perfectly fascinating thesis to be written about why this was the case—maybe it was a reaction to beard-friendly ‘70s, maybe it had something to do with cocaine or Vietnam or Reagan or something—whatever the case, 1981 gave us The Howling and An American Werewolf in London released within a few weeks of each other. Both films cannily married cutting-edge special effects and social commentary, and reinvigorated the werewolf genre like nothing else since Lon Chaney Jr. donned the yak-hair 40 years earlier. Also released that summer was Wolfen. You can’t hear things on a blog, but let me assure you, crickets are chirping right now.
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Gunmonkey Presents: HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR 2014!

October 3, 2014

scary sock 2014

Hey there! Welp, it’s that time of year again. Time for ghosts and ghouls and jack-o-lanterns, and candy being sold by the metric ton. It’s also time for my Halloween Spooktactular! in which I try to shove as many reviews of horror movies into your face-holes as is humanly possible for a slacker like me. Now, I’m afraid that this year I’ll be travelling a bit this month, so my output will be a bit down, but what I miss out on in volume I will try and make for in quality. We good? All right then, let’s kick this thing off.

First up: The Demon’s Rook.

Then we revisit the James Wan horror machine with Annabelle

After that we fly not (not so) friendly skies with 7500.

Then we make the wrong choice of spa getaway with The Sacrament.

Afterwards, we get a good scare with The Babadook.

Following that we take a long, hard look in the mirror with Oculus.

Hey, are you feeling a little horny? because we”re gonna check out Horns.

Then we take a (not so) leisurely walk in the woods with Willow Creek.

And we spend a little more time in the woods with The Hunted (2013).

After that we feel the fury of Elizabeth Short with The Black Dahlia Haunting.

Before we move on to the wreckage that is Dracula Untold.

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Gunmonkey Presents: OCTOBER SPOOKTACULAR 2013!

October 14, 2013

scary sock 2013

Holy crap! I totally didn’t realize it was October! Sorry, sorry, sorry. I moved back to a tropical country, and all the usual signifiers of October–falling leaves, Pumpkin Spice Lattes, really terrible new TV shows–are all on the other side of the world. Then this weekend, I got to thinking, “Hey, this English-speaking Asian TV station sure is running a lot of Hellraiser movies. I wonder why that is?” And then I went back to Googling pictures of Lexa Doig (I don’t have a rich inner-life). Anyway, a few hours later, like a lightning bolt to whatever part of the brain processes really, really basic facts, it hit me. “Duh! It’s October! Halloween!”

And then I realized that, shit, I was two weeks behind on my Spooktacular.

I’m gonna do my best to post a horror review every day for the rest of this month, and, if at all possible, make up for lost time. That’s probably going to entail re-posting some stuff, but, hey, you probably haven’t read it yet.

So, yeah, settle in, get comfortable, and get ready for another month(ish) of vampires, zombies, ghosts, monsters, and, you know, all the rest of that stuff.

First up:

We trip balls with Shrooms!

Next we revel in the white noise with Static.

And then it’s Christmas in October with Black X-Mas.

Before we goosestep along with Outpost.

Along with Outpost: Black Sun.

We head off to Mother Russia in The Darkest Hour.

Then we catch up with my original review of Fright Night.

Before reviewing the sequel Fright Night 2: The New Blood.

And then the little-seen Earth vs. the Spider

Afterward we’ll catch The Midnight Meat Train

Check out Haunter.

Before the remake of Embrace of the Vampire

And then Kevin Costner is pretty much the most useless dad ever in The New Daughter.

We call it a wrap with The Creature from the Black Lagoon.

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Oh, thank Christ it’s over…”The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn (Part Two)

November 18, 2012

And it’s done. After four years and five films, the stupid-a-thon that is Stephanie Meyers’ Twilight saga comes to a close by taking a long, slow valedictory lap designed to make its target audience squeal and (hopefully) distract anyone else from the fact that A) a victory lap is totally unearned by these movies, and B) nothing much of consequence really happens in this movie. I mean, even by the (admittedly ropey) standards of Twilight movies—movies in which a coherent line-reading by either Kristen Stewart or Robert Pattinson counts as a plot-point—The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn (Part 2) is pretty thin.
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REPOST: Monkey-nuts crazy: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part One”

November 18, 2012

In preparation for the conclusion of the Twilight saga, Breaking Dawn (Part Two), I thought you might want to get up to speed on the story so far…

What the hell was that?

I mean, prior installments of the Twilight saga have merely been stupid, poorly-acted, shabbily-directed, and contained offensive and downright disturbing subtexts. Never before, however, have they been this pants-crappingly insane. Usually any given scene in a Twilight movie leaves me thinking, “Jesus, I can’t believe I’m watching this…why didn’t anyone ever tell me it’s physically impossible to swallow your own tongue?” But with The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part One, more often than not I found myself thinking, “what the fuck?” or sometimes “seriously, what the fuck?” and even more, “am I seriously fucking seeing this?” Because this installment of Stephanie Meyer’s teeny-bopper bodice-ripping fantasy series takes its inane premise to its logical conclusion, and that is a very, very bizarre place.
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REPOST: The “Twilight” Saga in Review

November 18, 2012

Yeah, it’s that time again. Another Twilight movie is upon us. Have we, as a species, been so unforgivable that we get this visited upon us? I guess so. Anyway, before you read my takedown of this latest chapter, check out my reviews of the previous installments:

Twilight

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse


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Oh crap, I forgot this one! “Dark Shadows”

June 1, 2012

For thirty years Tim Burton has sulked around Hollywood like that annoying emo-kid in your dorm that pops in from time to time to tell you again how phony you and the rest of your friends are, and how this campus is all just a bullshit conformity factory, before heading out to listen to some Bauhaus. Then in 2008, Christopher Nolan popped into Burton’s Christmas-light decorated dorm room and punched him the face several times, then set about raiding his mini-fridge, while Burton lay on the floor in a fetal position, whimpering and soiling himself. Figuratively. He did that by making The Dark Knight, a film that made Burton’s take on Batman and the Joker—long considered the gold standard of Batman screen treatments by people who wear T-shirts with the bat-logo well into middle age—seem every bit as childish and facile as it was. Unfortunately, he didn’t do this literally, because now we’ve had Dark Shadows foisted upon us. Crud.
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