Posts Tagged ‘vampires’

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RIP Anton Yelchin: “Fright Night”

June 20, 2016

You know Hollywood is deep in the Dead Horse Seas of creative bankruptcy when they remake a movie like 1985’s Fright Night. I mean, it’s not like the movie was any kind of a high water mark of ‘80s cinema. But it has a vampire in it, which you know tripped some producer’s cultural IFF, and, apparently while they were at it, someone said, “Hey why don’t we shoot this thing in 3D so we can squeeze a couple extra bucks out of the Twilight fans and goth kids who see this movie.” And yet, despite the eminently cynical calculations that borne it, the remake of Fright Night manages to be just as charming and understated as the original.
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Portrait of the vampire as a young impaler: “Dracula Untold”

October 19, 2014

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Dracula Untold. Wow. Just wow. I didn’t think they gave movies this mind-breakingly stupid a theatrical release. I mean, this should be embarrassedly shuffled into Redbox and VOD, while the creative team behind it change their names and go into porn to save their careers. I really didn’t think I was going to see a major studio release that made me long for the clarity and storytelling sophistication of I, Frankenstein, but there that movie is. It’s just bad. So, so bad.
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Gunmonkey Presents: HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR 2014!

October 3, 2014

scary sock 2014

Hey there! Welp, it’s that time of year again. Time for ghosts and ghouls and jack-o-lanterns, and candy being sold by the metric ton. It’s also time for my Halloween Spooktactular! in which I try to shove as many reviews of horror movies into your face-holes as is humanly possible for a slacker like me. Now, I’m afraid that this year I’ll be travelling a bit this month, so my output will be a bit down, but what I miss out on in volume I will try and make for in quality. We good? All right then, let’s kick this thing off.

First up: The Demon’s Rook.

Then we revisit the James Wan horror machine with Annabelle

After that we fly not (not so) friendly skies with 7500.

Then we make the wrong choice of spa getaway with The Sacrament.

Afterwards, we get a good scare with The Babadook.

Following that we take a long, hard look in the mirror with Oculus.

Hey, are you feeling a little horny? because we”re gonna check out Horns.

Then we take a (not so) leisurely walk in the woods with Willow Creek.

And we spend a little more time in the woods with The Hunted (2013).

After that we feel the fury of Elizabeth Short with The Black Dahlia Haunting.

Before we move on to the wreckage that is Dracula Untold.

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Emo vamps, IKEA, and Sapphic fencing: “Embrace of the Vampire”

October 28, 2013

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I’m going to apologize in advance for this post, since it’s a bit, er…adult in nature and not the family-friendly G-rated (maybe PG…like 1980s PG) norm of this blog. So think of this post as Gunmonkey After Dark. And imagine me lounging in a silk smoking jacket cradling a snifter of brandy (if it helps, I look like a cross between Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig, so now you don’t have to wonder). See, this post concerns the remake of 1995’s Embrace of the Vampire—a movie that answered the question that burned in the minds of most guys (and some women, I imagine) who came of age in the ‘80s: What does Alyssa Milano look like naked? And that answer was, pretty damn amazing! Okay if you’re looking for a modicum of taste, you might as well check out right here. Anybody still here? Great, now let’s talk about the remake…

 

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The terror of Gerri the…oh, we did that already: “Fright Night 2: The New Blood”

October 18, 2013

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Going into Fright Night 2: The New Blood, I wasn’t exactly optimistic. After all, it’s a non-theatrical release sequel which has none of the same actors as the major theatrical release original. Nothing good can come from this situation. Except that this movie stars Jaime Murray, and she’s not only hot, but also tends to get naked a lot. Like in everything she does. So, I figured what the hell, and watched it anyway. Look, I don’t always make very good decisions, and this one was no exception.
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The terror of Jerry the vampire: “Fright Night”

October 17, 2013

You know Hollywood is deep in the Dead Horse Seas of creative bankruptcy when they remake a movie like 1985’s Fright Night. I mean, it’s not like the movie was any kind of a high water mark of ‘80s cinema. But it has a vampire in it, which you know tripped some producer’s cultural IFF, and, apparently while they were at it, someone said, “Hey why don’t we shoot this thing in 3D so we can squeeze a couple extra bucks out of the Twilight fans and goth kids who see this movie.” And yet, despite the eminently cynical calculations that borne it, the remake of Fright Night manages to be just as charming and understated as the original.
Read the rest of this entry ?

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Gunmonkey Presents: OCTOBER SPOOKTACULAR 2013!

October 14, 2013

scary sock 2013

Holy crap! I totally didn’t realize it was October! Sorry, sorry, sorry. I moved back to a tropical country, and all the usual signifiers of October–falling leaves, Pumpkin Spice Lattes, really terrible new TV shows–are all on the other side of the world. Then this weekend, I got to thinking, “Hey, this English-speaking Asian TV station sure is running a lot of Hellraiser movies. I wonder why that is?” And then I went back to Googling pictures of Lexa Doig (I don’t have a rich inner-life). Anyway, a few hours later, like a lightning bolt to whatever part of the brain processes really, really basic facts, it hit me. “Duh! It’s October! Halloween!”

And then I realized that, shit, I was two weeks behind on my Spooktacular.

I’m gonna do my best to post a horror review every day for the rest of this month, and, if at all possible, make up for lost time. That’s probably going to entail re-posting some stuff, but, hey, you probably haven’t read it yet.

So, yeah, settle in, get comfortable, and get ready for another month(ish) of vampires, zombies, ghosts, monsters, and, you know, all the rest of that stuff.

First up:

We trip balls with Shrooms!

Next we revel in the white noise with Static.

And then it’s Christmas in October with Black X-Mas.

Before we goosestep along with Outpost.

Along with Outpost: Black Sun.

We head off to Mother Russia in The Darkest Hour.

Then we catch up with my original review of Fright Night.

Before reviewing the sequel Fright Night 2: The New Blood.

And then the little-seen Earth vs. the Spider

Afterward we’ll catch The Midnight Meat Train

Check out Haunter.

Before the remake of Embrace of the Vampire

And then Kevin Costner is pretty much the most useless dad ever in The New Daughter.

We call it a wrap with The Creature from the Black Lagoon.