Posts Tagged ‘Satan’

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Harry Potter becomes a goat (sort of…not really) “Horns”

October 9, 2014

Horns-Movie-Poster-All-Seeing-Eye

Alexandre Aja’s adaptation of Joe Hill’s novel Horns isn’t exactly a horror movie. Instead, it’s more of a supernatural mystery, or perhaps an enquiry into gossamer-thin ties that bind us into a community, and the secrets we kept hidden to keep that community intact. Whatever it is, it was made by a horror director, and based on a book by Stephen King’s son, and I spent two hours watching it, so what the hell, it’s getting reviewed.
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Were they out of Mr. Potato Heads? “Annabelle”

October 4, 2014

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James Wan’s supernatural horror films—Insidious, Insidious Chapter 2,  and The Conjuringare basically the cinematic equivalent of popcorn: reasonably enjoyable as distraction food, but mostly air and empty calories. Not, in other words, very substantive. Annabelle, the latest installment in the Wan franchise isn’t even directed by Wan, but instead by his cinematographer John R. Leonetti. So whatever imprimatur Wan brings to his work is now run the Xerox machine, giving us a faded copy of a not-terribly bold-faced original. Basically, this is a film so rickety that it only works if you believe two normal, sane, stable adults to would by their newborn a baby a doll that looks as it was crafted by Satan himself.
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Gunmonkey Presents: HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR 2014!

October 3, 2014

scary sock 2014

Hey there! Welp, it’s that time of year again. Time for ghosts and ghouls and jack-o-lanterns, and candy being sold by the metric ton. It’s also time for my Halloween Spooktactular! in which I try to shove as many reviews of horror movies into your face-holes as is humanly possible for a slacker like me. Now, I’m afraid that this year I’ll be travelling a bit this month, so my output will be a bit down, but what I miss out on in volume I will try and make for in quality. We good? All right then, let’s kick this thing off.

First up: The Demon’s Rook.

Then we revisit the James Wan horror machine with Annabelle

After that we fly not (not so) friendly skies with 7500.

Then we make the wrong choice of spa getaway with The Sacrament.

Afterwards, we get a good scare with The Babadook.

Following that we take a long, hard look in the mirror with Oculus.

Hey, are you feeling a little horny? because we”re gonna check out Horns.

Then we take a (not so) leisurely walk in the woods with Willow Creek.

And we spend a little more time in the woods with The Hunted (2013).

After that we feel the fury of Elizabeth Short with The Black Dahlia Haunting.

Before we move on to the wreckage that is Dracula Untold.

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Wow, 2014 movies went downhill fast: “Devil’s Due”

January 21, 2014

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You know, I’m not a person who can’t appreciate it when a movie decides to be a little unconventional—I mean, hey, the more you deviate from the Hollywood system the better, IMHO (you know, just don’t take it too far—I don’t want to end up watching a movie about a Dutch kid and his pet clump of dirt or something…). Still, I believe that certain movies make a promise to the audience, and when you have a movie called Devil’s Due and it concerns the spawn of Satan, well, I better goddamn well see a baby with a spiked tail. Horns are optional, but the long, spiked tail is a must. Reader, Devil’s Due has no such be-tailed baby. And that’s just one of its many, many flaws.
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Meet Toby’s friend Jesse: “Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones”

January 12, 2014

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Ugh.

Sorry,  I wanted to build  to that, but with Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, it’s just too hard to hide my disdain. I think we can all agree that the Paranormal Activity series pretty much passed up its “use by” date, well, after the first one. With 2012’s fourth installment, the series finally ran out of ways to milk horror from shoddy camerawork, and now they’ve followed up with what can be charitably described as, Paranormal Activity: The Univision Version. Because this movie can barely be bothered to disguise the fact it’s little more than a reheated version of the previous installments with a location change to draw a Latino audience. Surprisingly, it’s not as offensive as you’d expect. Unsurprisingly, it’s pretty terrible.
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Satan’s minion is named Wesley: “The Devil’s Tomb”

October 23, 2012

Devils-tomb-movieOkay, today’s entry  in our October Spooktacular is The Devil’s Tomb. I should warn you at the outset that the devil does not appear in this movie. There is, however a kind of a tomb. A figurative one. No, The Devil’s TombYeah,  is the latest in what you’d call the “People in enclosed spaces see totally impossible hallucinations, but buy into them completely and follow them to their doom.” I’m working on shortening it.

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Skyping with Toby: “Paranormal Activity 4”

October 19, 2012

Okay, since I saw this opening weekend, I’m not gonna spoil Paranormal Activity 4. This review, however, will spoil the previous three, but if you’re checking out the review of the fourth installment before even watching the previous one…well, that’s on you.

Hey, Toby’s back! Hey Toby! Remember Toby? He’s the demon-thingee from the Paranormal Activity franchise that was finally named in part three (which was actually the earliest of the series…but let’s not get into the convoluted timeline here). Yeah, you know it’s kind of hard to take an invisible, malevolent entity seriously, when it has the name usually reserved for a schnauzer. Throughout this movie it’s impossible to watch some act of otherworldly weirdness and not think, “Ah, Toby’s at it again!” Maybe it’s just me. Anyway, Paranormal Activity is back, and it gives me no pleasure to say that with this one, the solidly-performing series hits a bum note.
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