Posts Tagged ‘romance’

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Proof that in the ’90s anything could get green-lit: “Destiny Turns on the Radio”

August 8, 2015

Poster

1995’s Destiny Turns on the Radio is one of those movies that, for a long time, I just assumed I’d imagined. After all, there couldn’t possibly be a movie in which Quentin Tarantino plays a supernatural agent of fate that comes out of a swimming pool, right? Hallucinogens weren’t all that popular in ‘90s, so why would anyone think that was a good idea? The movie’s near-total absence from the home video market seemed to support my theory that this was just a product of my fevered imagination, fueled by heroic amounts of Mountain Dew and endless rewatchings of Pulp Fiction.

Yeah, but nope, it’s real. And now it’s on iTunes. And holy god, it’s so bad.
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(Re-repost): Valentine’s Day Sux!

February 13, 2010

broken-heart.jpg

This installment of The Flickering Screen blog actually has its origins in a little Valentine’s Day activity I used to do as a brief respite from the Promethean misery of the soul-devouring workplace where I spent three years in purgatory. I’d burn CDs of love songs then hand them out to my co-workers. Those in happy relationships would get Songs for the Happy Couple and those who were single would receive Songs for the Lonely and Bitter. Since I have fallen squarely in the latter camp for virtually every Valentine’s Day of my life, naturally I attacked that project with a bit more zeal.

So now, on this Valentine’s Day, as I gorge myself on Valentine’s Day M&Ms and Jack Daniels, I present to you my list of movies for the lonely and bitter. Because movies about solitude and broken hearts are more dramatic than silly, frothy fare in which the happy, photogenic couple fall into each others’ arms just before the credits role. Because happy couples are boring and annoying anyway. And because the only Valentine’s Day I spent with a girlfriend entailed me giving her Tiffany bracelet and taking her out to a high-end steakhouse and her drinking too much wine, spewing racial epithets, and then passing out. I hate this fucking holiday.

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Gunmonkey Presents: Capsule Reviews (and Reader Contest)

May 24, 2009

MONKEYYou might think that the toughest thing about writing these reviews is coming up with new ways of saying “it sucked.” Not so. I just think of the cinematic injustice done to me and let the venom flow. Next think you know I’m typing something like, “If Hitler barfed, it’d be this movie.” See how easy that is? (I was thinking of The Horsemen just then). No, oftentimes the toughest thing is coming up with 700-1000 words to say about a film. Many of the movies that don’t get reviewed here get skipped because there’s simply not that much to say about them. Some merit a half-review—hence the twofers—but many are just too unremarkable, even in their badness, to warrant writing up a review. So, to that end, we have the first Gunmonkey Capsule Reviews for the ADD-Afflicted!!! Yeah, I’m already working on a new name for them—preferably something with a cool acronym. Anyway, without further ado…
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Bittersweet Candy: “My Bloody Valentine 3D”

February 14, 2009

200px-bloodyvalentine3dfinalSo it’s Valentine’s Day again, and neither my feelings about the holiday nor my romantic fortunes have changed much (probably a cause/effect relationship there). I toyed with the idea of doing an update to last year’s Love Sux post with even more movies about the way love makes you miserable and alienates you from the smug, condescending people around you in relationships, but I don’t like to repeat myself. Besides, My Bloody Valentine 3D is playing in movie theaters easily accessible to me. What a difference an emotionally-bruising year makes. I’m actually someplace where I can see first-run movies. In the theater. Tell me that’s not a sign. It’s Valentine’s Day and is there a better way to spend it than seeing a movie about a deranged killer brutally murdering happy couples? Give me more of that. So I shook off my melancholy and dragged my sorry carcass and my fractured, banged-up heart to the comforting dark of the movie theater, to watch a movie about a psychotic miner and his trusty pick-axe.
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