Posts Tagged ‘Michael Bay’

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Michael Bay’s death march of fun continues: “Transformers: Age of Extinction”

July 1, 2014

transformers_age_of_extinction_FNL-poster-610x905

Transformers: Age of Extinction is the fourth installment in Michael Bay’s Transformers trilogy. Mull that over a bit; it makes as much sense as anything else in this movie. And speaking of, okay, I just have to vent a bit. This was supposed to be a trilogy, as in “three films and then sweet release.” Not “three films and, oh fuck it—they’re a license to print money and I can’t yet buy my own island where I can people like sport.” So now we have this. And there are dinosaurs this time. (Sigh) okay, let’s just get this over with.
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A meeting of the minds: “Melancholia”

November 10, 2011

Lars von Trier’s Melancholia is about the end of the world. And being depressed. Though these two things don’t dovetail like you’d expect—I mean, the end of everything is pretty depressing. But, no, in Melancholia Kirsten Dunst is really depressed about getting married. She mopes around in a stupor, gets naked, and then Earth collides with another planet. I kid you not: that is Melancholia. Now, don’t get me wrong: I’m really happy there was no Willem Dafoe schlong in this. There’s really never a good reason to see Dafoe schlong. But, um, didn’t Lars steal that whole planet-collision thing from Transformers: Dark of the Moon?  I mean, a couple good Find and Replace commands and you have the same freaking film. FIND: Autobot REPLACE: Men in tuxedos trading small talk. FIND: Victoria’s Secret model REPLACE: Dead horse. FOUND: Sam Witwickey REPLACE: Wedding Cake. And that’s pretty much it. How did this happen? I sure don’t know, but I like to imagine that in some smoke-filled bar, in the wee small hours of the morning, two legendary filmmakers had a meeting of the minds…
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REPOST: “Transformers”

June 27, 2009

In, uh…anticipation seems like the wrong word… preparation for Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, I’m reposting my review of the original Transformers , uploaded July 5, 2007.

transformers_movie_poster_optimus_prime“Before time began there was The Cube…”

Uh-oh.

Yet this opening voiceover was but the latest evidence that Transformers the movie and anything associated with it is simply bad, wrong, and possibly evil. Others include the Transformers logo bumper stickers that grown men have begun affixing to their cars, the chat room arguments that the robots in the movie lack the depth of personality present in the cartoon series of the mid-‘80s, and the fact that GM—a once-mighty American corporation—is using this movie to hawk their cars the way McDonalds uses Shrek to sell green milkshakes.

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This Holiday’s Movie: “Transformers”

July 5, 2007

 

“Before time began there was The Cube…”
Uh-oh.

Yet this opening voiceover was but the latest evidence that Transformers the movie and anything associated with it is simply bad, wrong, and possibly evil. Others include the Transformers logo bumper stickers that grown men have begun affixing to their cars, the chat room arguments that the robots in the movie lack the depth of personality present in the cartoon series of the mid-‘80s, and the fact that GM—a once-mighty American corporation—is using this movie to hawk their cars the way McDonalds uses Shrek to sell green milkshakes.

Read the rest of this entry ?