Posts Tagged ‘demons’

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In the Dark Womb you eat only warm slime: “The Demon’s Rook.”

October 3, 2014

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The Demon’s Rook is a recent DIY movie that manages not to use the found-footage concept (hallelujah!), about a bunch of demons that attack a small Southern town. It seems like a fairly straightforward story, but as the beasties chow down on the human folk, the movie layers question upon question. Questions like: “Was this whole movie ADRed?” and “How drunk do I have to be for this make sense?” as well as “If I drank that whole bottle of Jack Daniels Honey I use for drunken rib eye marinades and chased it with some aftershave, would it make the movie make sense?” and ultimately, “Wait, this movie is still going?” (The answers, by the way, are: yes, very, it’s a start, and probably. Let’s take a look at what makes it so special.
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Movie bad! “I, Frankenstein”

January 28, 2014

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Probably the best way to watch I, Frankenstein  is after huffing a zeppelin-worth of spray paint. It won’t make the movie any better, or the dialogue sound like it was written by professionals and not, say ADD-afflicted spider monkeys, but you’ll care about it less.
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Lock up your daughters, Toby’s in the house: “Paranormal Activity 3”

October 23, 2011

Okay, I’m gonna try real hard NOT to spoil Paranormal Activity 3. I’ll have to give away some basic plot points, but none of the critical ones.

Wow! Paranormal Activity 3. Has it been three films already? Don’t answer that, it’s rhetorical. So, yeah, we’re on the third installment in a franchise that really hasn’t been half-bad. If you read my reviews of the first two films, then you know that I appreciate these films for what they are: essentially shock-delivery-systems.  This one is no different in its intent, though it tweaks the formula a tad by setting the action in the distant world of 1988 and showing how Katie and Kristi’s relationship with the demon began. So, basically it’s a prequel to a prequel. Taken to its logical extreme, sooner or later we’re going to get an installment where velociraptors are menaced by an unseen entity that pulls their tails and steals their eggs. Man, I hope they make that movie.
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Don’t sell the house, just ditch the kid: “Insidious”

June 13, 2011

So, next up in the barrel we have Insidious. This is the newest offering from director James Wan and writer Leigh Whannell—the dudes that brought the Saw franchise to an unsuspecting world (hey, thanks guys, your Nobel Award is probably in the mail as we speak). The movie’s kind of a departure for the dismemberment twins, since it’s not torture-porny in the slightest. Instead, it’s a supernatural thriller, which eschews gore for old-fashioned suspense, low key shocks, and a general sense of dread. And it’s pretty effective, too—at least until it goes pants-crappingly insane in its final act. Hey, just signpost: when the medium prepares for a séance by putting on an old, World War I gas mask with a hose that connects to her associate’s headset, yeah that’s when you’re gonna want to lick the acid tab.

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Movies you should rent…or don’t. I don’t care.

December 6, 2010

Sorry. That was uncalled for, wasn’t it? I haven’t had dinner yet, and it’s made me a little cranky. What I meant to say, was “Movies worth seeing on DVD or iTunes, if you want…but if you don’t, well, that’s cool, too.” It was harder to fit than in the subject line. Actually, these are some more capsule reviews, but I was at a loss for how to say “Yet even more capsule reviews…” Oh wait, I just did…well, the headline’s already written, so screw it, I guess.
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Beware mysterious cursed objects from the Orient: “Case 39”

February 9, 2010

Hey, do I have a surprise for you today, amigos. For while your humble public servant Gunmonkey was cavorting about Kuala Lumpur, I got a chance to take in a few movies. One had been released in the States for a while, but the other was a mystery. After consultation in a few ancient texts (okay, IMDB) I discovered this was actually the fabled Case 39! Doubtless you’ve heard whispers of this movie’s existence. Maybe you thought it was something innately unknowable like the Holy Grail or the Loch Ness Monster. Perhaps you thought it was simply a myth.  Like flying saucers or moderate Republicanism. Nope. It was very real. Very real and very, um, dumped into movie theaters on the other side of the world. And when you come across an artifact like that there is only one thing to do: put on your fedora, coil your bullwhip and venture into the treacherous depths of cinematic peril.
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Satan’s minion walks the Earth…and his name is Wesley: “The Devil’s Tomb”

October 26, 2009

Devils-tomb-movieHappy Halloween, loyal readers! As we begin the run-up to that most magical day of the year (except for Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever high holiday you celebrate) we’ll be concentrating on horror flicks. And today’s entry is The Devil’s Tomb. I should warn you at the outset that the devil does not appear in this movie. There is, however a kind of a tomb. A figurative one. No, The Devil’s Tomb is the latest in what you’d call the “People in enclosed spaces see totally impossible hallucinations, but buy into them completely and follow them to their doom.” I’m working on shortening it.

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