Archive for the ‘Movies T-V’ Category

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Shredded like cheese: “The Legend of Tarzan”

July 4, 2016

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Have a gander at my video review of The Legend of Tarzan, in which a hyper-shredded Swede saves Africa with the help of a bunch of bad CGI animals. While you’re at it, check out my review of the sleaze-tastic 1981 version with Bo Derek HERE. 

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When raising the dead, just follow the rules: “The Other Side of the Door”

March 3, 2016

 

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Well, it’s Oscar time again, and apparently the movie gods felt the best way to honor this hallowed event was to dump a couple of movies into my local theaters that could only owe their existence to a need to show how great the nominees are by comparison. Or maybe it’s the Universe’s way of saying, Yea, on this weekend as we behold some of the best examples of the art form, know thee that there’s still an awful lot of crap out there, and, hey, let’s face it: they can’t all be Spotlight. So, instead this weekend I took in The Other Side of the Door–which suggests that maybe bringing the dead back to life could be a bad idea.
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All the better to KILL you with, my dear: “The Visit”

January 10, 2016

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Ordinarily, a new movie from M. Night Shyamalan is met with the anticipation reserved for a meteor hurtling toward your home, or the digestion of two day-old sushi. Sure, the spectacle of the carnage to come will no doubt be fascinating, but it’s also probably going to hurt a lot. I’ve already gone into detail about the implosion of Shyamalan’s career, and frankly, so has everyone else. In fact, M. Night Shyamalan’s name is about as synonymous with bad movie as Ed Wood’s. That’s why it’s such a pleasant surprise that his latest film, The Visit, is not only an effective little thriller, but also quite a good movie.
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Because climate change hadn’t screwed us enough already: “Unnatural”

October 25, 2015

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Pretty much anyone who’s not a Republican has come to face the reality that global climate change is upon us. Weather patterns are disrupted, droughts are ravaging several continents, and whole eco-systems are crashing. Assuming that you don’t attribute this to either A) perfectly normal circumstances or B) God’s wrath at us for electing Obama, then it’s time to admit Al Gore may have had a point with that slideshow Of course, this turn of events confronts humanity with a score of very complicated problems: a dwindling global food supply, climate-based migration destabilizing the globe, and—possibly most dire—mutated killer polar bears. Yeah, those are a thing in the case of the B-movie Unnatural.
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Total system failure: “Terminator: Genisys”

June 28, 2015

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[NOTE: This reviews contains some spoilers, though nothing that wasn’t given away in the trailers for the film. Still, if you’re totally unspoiled about Terminator: Genisys you may want to avoid this review.]

Few things are worse today than the were in the early ‘90s: music, fashion, technology are all much, much better than in, say, 1991. If you don’t believe me, just take a wander down memory lane that is the Internet and behold that INXS-rocking, tortoiseshell glasses-wearing, Discman-listening-to moment in history and you’ll likely feel the same immense relief at being alive in this point in time as when you read an article about, say, medieval medical practices. But there is one thing the early ‘90s had over today, at least 24 years ago we could get a decent Terminator movie, as opposed to the one Hollywood just coughed up. Yep, I’ll just say it: Terminator: Genisys is even dumber than it’s title.

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Nicolas Cage vs. the Russian Mafia (and Bankruptcy): “Rage”

September 30, 2014

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Well, look who it is! Ha, didn’t we know that it was only a matter of time before ol’ Nicky Cage made another appearance on this blog. Kind of missed him, didn’t we? Well, here he is and he is knee deep in mystery, violence, and the deep, deep south. Because when you think Mobile, Alabama, you think Nic Cage…with his hair dyed so black it absorbs light and crushes it into a singularity or something. You also think Russian mafia, because we all know that Alabama is the Little Odessa of the South.  Got a sense of what we’re dealing with now? Because that’s what we’re dealing with in the latest Cage vehicle Rage. Okay, let’s dive right in.
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Michael Bay’s death march of fun continues: “Transformers: Age of Extinction”

July 1, 2014

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Transformers: Age of Extinction is the fourth installment in Michael Bay’s Transformers trilogy. Mull that over a bit; it makes as much sense as anything else in this movie. And speaking of, okay, I just have to vent a bit. This was supposed to be a trilogy, as in “three films and then sweet release.” Not “three films and, oh fuck it—they’re a license to print money and I can’t yet buy my own island where I can people like sport.” So now we have this. And there are dinosaurs this time. (Sigh) okay, let’s just get this over with.
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